may '25 recap: a dog, a job

another month of ch-ch-ch-changes (but when are there not changes happening?)

at the start of the month I received an offer for a new role at my current job, one that had been discussed since last year, but had been uncertain on when it would culminate. The offer challenged me to stand up for the value of my worth as an employee, and ultimately I signed the offer and am happy to grow in my role as a producer.

I also took a quick four-week drawing with soft pastels class, which was my first time back to drawing in twenty years. I have a whole post on this coming next!

Mid-May, I ventured back to the Midwest for a quick 48-hours to see my absolute favorite band Beach House in concert for the first time (!!!!) something i’ve dreamt of for years. The night was perfect and I heard so many of my favorite songs reverberating in the venue, songs that I have so much emotional attachment to. concerts like these are pure bliss for me. I caught up with old friends (we had soo much to debrief) and it felt comforting to be back in a familiar city that I hadn’t been to for 6 years, and I was encouraged seeing how progressive parts of the city had become.

while there, my friend who I stayed with had a small rescue dog who was so sweet and calm that it had me reconsidering my pet plans. I’d been looking at getting a very specific breed of cat I’d wanted, as I thought I didn’t have the capacity to care for a dog at this point in my life. (I worried a dog would be too overstimulating for me, and I had no clue or time on how to train a puppy.) but spending time with her dog, and hearing her adoption story, inspired me to broaden my horizons back to dogs.

With travel for work and fun slowing down, along with my typical plan to stick in Seattle for the summer, May seemed the perfect time to finally get the pet i’d spoke of for years. but when the cat breeder I was set on didn’t end up having any available kittens until August, I had begun checking local shelter’s websites in April. I had also visited a cat cafe with adoptable cats, but the one I felt connected to was already spoken for.

a week after returning home from the midwest trip, late at night in bed, I pulled up the shelter website again, and saw a new posting of a small, five-year-old dog who they claimed was “ready to go” and would have a line out the door for her. I hadn’t considered an older dog, but removing the stress of training a young puppy was appealing.

I went the next afternoon, right when they opened, during my lunch hour, to see her for myself and evaluate her temperament. it was a heartbreaking experience to see the dogs in the shelter. when I noticed her assigned kennel was empty, I feared somebody else had already gotten her.

But it turned out the shelter manager loved this dog so much, she was holding her in her office with her. I figured that was a green flag. When someone brought me the dog, she was shaking, her huge brown eyes terrified. She had only been there a day, but clearly was so confused and overwhelmed. Even the bag of treats that the shelter worker had handed me did nothing to change her mood.

I somehow felt an immediate strong connection, one that I couldn’t explain. “I love her,” I immediately said, tears forming. She perked up when I took her for a walk, and I got to see a tiny peek of personality and happiness then.

When I asked about how the adoption would work, they told me I would sign for her now and take her home. I was shocked, I hadn’t anticipated it to be such a quick process— I thought perhaps it’s a few days of background checks and paper work before I could take her home. I also needed to check with my landlord, look into insurance, think everything through, and other preparations.

And I needed to return to work now, so I asked if they could hold her for me. But they told me they don’t reserve animals- I either take her now, or come back later and hope she’s still there. I asked the woman how quickly these pets go, and if she thought the dog would still be there at the end of the day, if I came back after work. Looking hesitant, she told me, “not likely, she is a rare find.” And for all I knew, someone else in the shelter line could have already been there waiting to visit her.

I felt so conflicted. I knew I wanted this dog, but I had never made such a big, impulsive decision on the spot. I normally thoroughly think everything through and “sleep” on every decision, ensuring i’ve processed all angles. This required a big jump out of my comfort zone to make such a huge commitment and so quickly.

So I stood there and imagined: how would I feel if i returned later today and found out the dog had been taken? My reaction was instant: that I’d feel heartbroken, that my perfect dog match had gotten away. It was not a “well, other ones will come along” rationalizing type feeling. No, I knew this was the exact dog meant for me.

Again, conflicted on how to return to work but also adopt this dog, the woman then offered to make me an exception: if I signed the paperwork and paid now, they’d hold the dog back in the owner’s office for me until the end of the day.

I followed her back inside to sign the paperwork, anxious to be making such a big decision, all the looming tasks in my head, yet feeling confident in the decision. I knew I could figure it all out for her.

I tried to quickly ask all the questions I could think of: what happened to her owner? How old was she? Did she have any illnesses? The shelter didn’t have much information. They said her prior owner had a medical emergency and a criss team brought her in. They couldn’t tell me exactly what, and I worried: what if the owner recovered and wants their dog back? They predicted that she was five, but there was not birthdate and no microchip either. They couldn’t afford to run blood tests, so her health status was unknown. I was taking a chance on adopting a mysterious dog, and had to get comfortable with that. I had to let go of my perfectionism of wanting to make sure everything is perfectly in order, for the part of me that which knew that I was meant to care for this dog overshadowed that.

When I returned to the shelter after work, someone new handed me my dog on a leash and some food, and I was out the door. I couldn’t believe how something so monumental and life-changing could be done so simply. (As I mentioned in my previous Instagram caption) it felt like the ending scene in Matilda when her parents quickly sign the adoption papers over to Miss Honey.

As I left, a man at the shelter commented: “oh, you got her. she’s the one who’s scared of the world.” Unsure of what his comment meant, I simply thought, “well we’re a perfect pair then.” If someone needs to show her that life can still be beautiful after something traumatic turns life as you know it upside down, let it be me.

I ran next to the pet store, grabbing things I thought I would need. A hairbrush? Some toys. A bed. Treats? There were so many kinds and flavors! Would she want a chew toy? What size? It was all so foreign.

When I got her home, she plopped down on my backpack by the door, and wouldn’t leave it. She was scared, not hungry, and she only slightly perked up for walks, like she did at the shelter. I could see she was exhausted— but how she was too scared to fully close her eyes in this unfamiliar world. Any move or sound I made, her eyes jolted open.

I’m not sure if she slept for days. I knew that feeling deeply, and so badly I wanted to hug it away from her, but what she really needed was time, space, care, and reassurance.

A few days in, I had another friend who I hadn’t seen for some years visit for the long Memorial weekend, which helped support me in this new phase - she helped buy peanut butter and blueberries as we tried to get my dog to eat, and helped me sort through the huge aisle of dog treats. She took her for walks. It felt like a sweet sisterhood moment to take care of my new “baby” together. I am so grateful for her help during this shift in life.

The journey continued with so much more I learned about caring for her, and new challenges, and her beginning to open up. but for now, that is the story of the first few days with my first dog. <3